We received this report from 1 of the members who completed the Club 100 PE to CT Tour which took place from 4th-9th Feb 2010. Our Cape Town members who completed the tour included, Robin Olbrich, Patrick & Mari Gaertner, Louis & Cheri Scholtz, Gil Bauman and Henty Walker.

This report was written by Christine Neser, wife of Thys, who did her 1st tour on the tandem.

"From PE to Paarl, very gingerly.

Initiation is a dirty word these days. It either has something to do with illegal campus activities by senior students, or with unhygienic medical procedures pracised by sangomas. The outcome of both scenarios are usually shameful, painful and sometimes even fatal. Bearing this in mind, I had my initiation into the world of bicycle touring. A few decades beyond adolescence, meant that my initiation could indeed end with the epitaph: Here lies a woman who should have stayed at home.

Ignorance is bliss. If 94.7 km is the furthest you have ever gone on a tandem, then anything beyond that is unimaginable. D-Day minus one saw civilized looking men and very feminine women having drinks and making small talk. Everything smelt of Lacoste and Gucci, the banter was friendly and everybody seemed to be the best of pals. Until daybreak.

On Day 1 I discovered that cycling is all about powerplay and politics. The group immediately split into two groups: those who bus, and those who would rather die than bus. The softies watched the recces depart, immediately forming their own alliances.
(Almost like Survivor, only on wheels.) Once all were on their saddles, the sports started in earnest.

For some reason, I was led to believe that a cycle tour was a gentle activity. I had visions of road side picnics (in the shade nogal) and a cool breeze from behind. I had no idea of the starkness of the landscape, the severity of the uphills or the intensity of the heat. And I knew nothing of riding in a pack where no one is human. Yep, I checked. All are sharks, even Karen. There are no vegetarians on the bike, all are carnivores. A little hill rises in the distance, and there’s blood in the water. The sharks take off: it becomes a race for the top. The slow coaches become fatalities, left floundering by themselves on the lonely plains of the searing Karoo. So lesson number one of my initiation: grow sharp teeth! If the group just hints at a jump, JUMP! So out the window went my first illusion. Cycling tours are no picnics.

The second lesson of my initiation, is that the body is a very delicate machine. Delicate, yet incredible tough. Things that have never hurt on a cycle ride in the past, became nagging, then searing, then unbearable. And just when you were ready to quit, the body moved into a new gear and absorbed the pain of the previous day. I discovered parts of my body I never even knew had sensation in: they have just always quietly existed. But a cycle tour’s mileage uncovers new muscles behind the knee, above the knee, up the inner thigh, along the forearm, in the wrists, the neck, the back and the bum. Now on the latter, I can write a whole thesis. But long live Assos pants!

Lesson No 3: if it moves it will blister; if it receives pressure it will go numb. Hands that grip too tight, will go numb. But not before they hurt so much, you can cry. If you wriggle on the saddle, you will blister. Ditto, if you sweat in your gloves or socks. So lessons no 3 was painful: sit still, hold on lightly and keep your hands dry and padded.

Lesson no 4: you don’t lose weight on a cycle tour. It is a myth. The tour is a hell ride broken by feasts. And like many survivors of near-death experiences, cyclists tuck in as though it’s their last meal. Coke and chocolate, koeksisters, fudge and milkshakes have never featured of Low GI diets as far as I know. These are cycling-tour staples, so NOT what the dietician had ordered.

Lesson no 5: heroes come in very subtle packaging. Heroes are guys that give you a push up a hill, who wait to regroup, who share their knowledge and skills, who help to fix bikes and whose quiet presence is so reassuring. Robin Albrecht: mechanic extraordinaire! Heroes are top riders who acknowledge a weaker rider’s efforts, without being patronising. Heroes are people who beat incredible odds, just to return to the hot roads of the Cape to challenge fear and pain again. May I mention names? Saro, Phil, Mark and Dave; I salute you!

Lesson no 6: don’t trust a delicate looking woman on a tandem! All of them are steel fists in fluffy pink gloves. I gained enormous respect for les girls, who could transform from fierce competitors to sweet smelling kittens in the blink of an eye.

Lesson no 7: there ain’t no thing as an easy ride. No route was easy! If it was fast, it was dangerous, if it was slow, it was steap, if it was flat, it was unbearably hot. The advice of the old hands, who have bussed and rode before, is very precious. Should one really batter oneself to within an inch of one’s life for the sake of being tough?

Lesson no 8: no one remembers who came first or last on a tour. But one’s attitude will determine whether you will be fondly remembered or forgotten by the group. There really is no time to sweat the small and petty stuff; time is too precious. Who knows whether we will all be able to do the tour again? Life is so unpredictible... As the French so eloquently says (forgive my French) – life is too short to f*ck flies. (Enculer les mouches; my translation, Patrick.)

Lesson no 9: all good things come to an end. On Day 2, I was so overwhelmed by the sheer distance of the rides and the onslaught on my body, I was ready to quit. But by day 4 the body forgot and forgave most of the battering it had been subjected to. And all too soon, you are back at your desk, the sweat and heat a distant memory.

Lesson no 10: Wisdom from cyclists. During the bussing phase, one picks up pearls of wisdom. Unfortunately, this wisdom is not shared by the toughees. So let me try to remember some of the best ones. (Mainly from Dave the Doc, I think). Never waste a chance to pee; never trust a cough; defininitely never trust a fart. Oh, and never waste a ... whatsisname? Honestly, cyclists must be the most uninhibited bunch of guys on the planet!

I survived the initiation, although I will be sitting on tenderized steak for the rest of the week. Thanks everybody! Will I do the tour again? If I am invited... I might just give in! But for now I’m like a new mom who is asked hours after a difficult birth when she was planning to have the next one."